DudleyPotter?
by Foxwithgrayeyes
Summary: Harry sleeps through Hagrid's visit to the hut and Dudley ends up going to Hogwarts. Poor Harry. Poor Hogwarts. Poor me if you don't read. R & R and you will be sparkly. :
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Did any of you actually think I owned Harry Potter….?

Hagrid barged into the hut on the rock and replaced the door. Dudley jumped from the couch with a start.  
"W-w-who are you?" he stammered, amazed that he actually looked small compared to this new arrival. It didn't really happen that often…

"Name's Rubeus Hagrid," said Hagrid. "You've grown a bit since I've last seen you 'Arry."

Dudley thought it would be funny to play a trick on this weird man. Maybe he would learn something and could get Harry in trouble later. "Oh..h-have I?"

"Yes, specially there around the middle,"

Strictly speaking Hagrid really wasn't one to talk in this circumstance, but hey.

"Well, I think it's time you finally got your letter," Hagrid said.  
Dudley reached for it greedily. Harry had been so eager to read this thing and now he got to read it first. How he delighted in tormenting the boy.

He found the contents most intriguing. "Wait…I'm invited to magic school?" he asked in astonishment.

"I suppose you could call it that, tis Hogwarts School o Witchcraft and Wizardry," the giant announced proudly.

Dudley Dursley knew his parents did not look highly on magic but he knew if he threw a big enough fit he'd eventually get his way. He smiled. He could learn magic and then he could really be the boss and get his way. Always, not just with his parents. And whats more Harry wouldn't get to learn magic. All Dudley had to do was play along. Poor Harry slept on the floor still and Hagrid didn't even notice him.

"I want to go!" he said.

"Course you do," Hagrid said. "An' I'd be deloighted to take ya to Diagon Alley for all yer supplies,"

With a large amount of fussing, yelling, and sneaking behind Harry's back (something he normally didn't do) Dudley somehow pulled off the sneakiest, cleverest plan he'd ever devised. Dudley Dursely, muggle extrordinaire, was going to Hogwarts.

A/N: Hey, I thought it could be interesting. Please read and review. Should I keep going…I have some good ideas. Thanksees darlings.


	2. Chapter 2

Hagrid, for all his better qualities, was not the smartest of men. He and Dudley walked down the street in Diagon Alley. The giant was a bit surprised to see that no one was getting excited the way he thought they would. After all, he was with the Boy Who Lived! Why didn't anyone care? All the sudden a thought occurred to Hagrid.

"Why 'Arry," he said. "Where's yer scar?"

"M-my scar?" Dudley had to think fast, something he was definitely unaccustomed to. "I-I don't like it. I got it removed."

"You got yer scar removed?" Hagrid asked, sounding confused.

"Um…uh huh. Something like that I think. Probably. Um… we took care of it when I was little."

Hagrid nodded. No wonder people weren't rejoicing. He didn't have the scar anymore, they couldn't tell who he was.

Dudley had, however, gone to the effort to get his parents to buy him some glasses just like Harry's. He believed that with them he could fool anyone. Oh how sneaky he was.

"Ah!" Hagrid said. "Olivander's. Best place fer a wand. You go on in an' I'll get yer a present." Hagrid said with a wink.

Dudley readily agreed. Presents! He'd never have enough presents.

As Dudley entered the wand store he felt nervous.

Mr. Olivander emerged out of nowhere. "Ah…" he breathed. "Now here's a face I didn't expect to see…"

"I-I-I….why not? I'm Harry Potter!" Dudley said. From what Hagrid told him he understood he was supposed to be famous.

"No, I quite believe you're not," Mr. Olivander said softly. "Dudley Dursley…the magic skipped your mother did it not? But your aunt…she was a great witch."

"I'm Harry!" Dudley protested, not ready to give up.

"No my boy…I wonder though if you could have any magic in you…"

Dudley suddenly felt very uneasy. His large, fleshy palms were sweating and he wiped them on the sides of his pants. He did not like this wand man. This wand man was going to figure him out. This wand man was going to ruin everything!

Except….

"I wonder," Olivander mused selecting a box from the stacks and stacks of them. "Ten inches, beech. Dragon heartstring. Give it a go…" he seemed skeptical as he handed the wand to Dudley.

"Um…" Dudley took the wand and sort of swung it in a downward motion. A vase on the small table fell over.

There had been a reaction. A weak one, but a reaction nonetheless.

_Oh dear_, thought Olivander. _What have I gotten myself into? I should've just sent the boy home… Heaven knows what he's trying to do._

"Try this," the man said however, handing Dudley another box.

Dudley took the new wand and swung it little fireworks shot from the end of the wand, happy little sparks dancing in the air.

"I believe that's the one Mr. Dursley," Olivander said. "Nine inches. Yew, unicorn hair."

"I'm magic!" Dudley screamed. He did a happy dance right there in the shop. It involved some jumping and pumping and some rather interestingly executed body rolls. The remembrance of that happy dance haunted Olivander's nightmares for the next three years.

A/N: Thank you so much everyone who reviewed and read. You are such dear children (yes, no matter your age). Keep going? And Dudders is magic. Scarcely but still. Bwahaha.


	3. Chapter 3

"Platform 9 ¾? I don't know where that is… Hagrid?" Dudley looked around and was sad to see that he had no idea how we was going to find the platform. Suddenly a woman with bright red hair, followed by a gaggle of children, passed, shouting about how the place was crowded with muggles, just in case any new wizard kid needed her help to find the platform. It really was quite helpful of her.

"Platform 9 ¾ this way!" she shouted, and Dudley took the hint and followed her. Unfortunately the people looked a bit grubby so he decided to just observe and see how they got onto the platform, rather than actually talk to them. Sneaky again. He clapped his hands a bit, delighted with his sneakiness.

After watching the group of people walk through the barrier he decided to try and do it too, and found himself soon facing the Hogwarts express. He bit the inside of his cheek, feeling a little bit nervous and boarded the train.

"Mind if I sit here?" Dudley asked, looking at a boy with pale blond hair. Dudley guessed that this stranger might be almost as spoiled as he was. Spoiled people had an air about them.

"Why would I sit with you?" the boy asked.

"Cause I need to sit down…" Dudley said. He was beginning to doubt himself. Maybe this kid was actually more spoiled than him.

He stood there, staring dumbly into the compartment.

"I guess you can sit with Crabbe and Goyle," Malfoy said. It wouldn't hurt to have another big friend. They had many good things about them, even if their lack of intelligence sometimes slowed them down. They made good bodyguards and they laughed at his jokes.

As Dudley wedged himself between the wall and a boy with long, gorilla-ish arms the blonde kid smoothly stated, "By the way, the names Draco Malfoy,"

"Oh. Uh, I'm D…Harry. Potter. Yeah. That's me. Harry Potter." He nodded and adjusted his fake glasses.

"You are? Really?" Malfoy smirked. "You don't say, you don't say."

"Oh I do say. I really do," said Dudley.

"Well then…"

Malfoy had to think about this one. Harry Potter was famous, was he not? Malfoy knew there was something bad about him though, something his parents wouldn't like. But at the same time, wouldn't being Harry Potter's friend elevate his social status? Except…this kid seemed really stupid.

"Chocolate frog, chocolate frog," Dudley sang as he opened one he'd just purchased from the trolley lady. But as the enchanted sweet hopped away Dudley jumped up. "What? I've been ripped off!" he shouted. "I want a new one! Get me a new one!" his face was turning red.

"Who are you yelling at?" Draco said, blinking at Dudley. "Just sit down, they feel slimy in your throat anyway!" Yes, Draco was going to have to think a lot about what to do with this kid. He turned his face toward the window and rolled his eyes.

A/N: We'll visit Harry back at the Dursley's next chapter, ok? I was going to do it this time but obviously not. Heehee. Anyway…Draco is fun, right?


	4. Chapter 4

Harry was completely and utterly confused. Aunt Petunia was constantly in tears and Uncle Vernon was grumpier than ever.  
"Sorry," Harry said, as he slid some bacon onto Uncle Vernon's plate. "But where is Dudley exactly? You haven't exactly told me."  
"Off to school," Uncle Vernon said briskly.  
This sent Aunt Petunia into a fresh wave of tears. "Oh my Dudders! My Duddy-kins! My ickle bickle Sweetie Pie! Vernon, dear, why did we let him go?"  
Personally Harry didn't mind all that much. He certainly was tormented less, but he couldn't help shake the feeling that something was terribly and horribly amiss. If Dudley had gone off to some special school Aunt Petunia would have been overjoyed and Vernon would have been bragging left and right, never failing to tell Harry how much better Dudley was than him. Harry wasn't sure what was wrong yet, but he was determined to figure it out.

The train arrived and the students filed off. Dudley looked around in bewilderment.  
"This way First Years! This way!"  
Dudley grinned. AH! It was the giant man. Dudley chuckled to himself about how much smarter he was than the giant man.  
"Guess what?" he smirked to Draco. "I tricked that man!"  
Draco snorted in disgust. "You actually know him? I wouldn't lower myself to consult with such sorts. Honestly." And then Draco tossed his head indignantly and with an air of superiority that only a Malfoy could pull off.  
Dudley didn't know that only a Malfoy was capable of such a head toss and so he attempted it, hurting his neck in the process. "Blimey," he stammered. "Ouch."  
"First years, hurry up! We 'aven't got all day ya know!" Hagrid shouted.  
When they had all finally assembled they crowded into boats. As Dudley tried to climb into the boat Draco had boarded the blond boy waved him away. "Go sit with someone else, doofus,"  
Dudley was hurt and astounded. No one spoke to him that way! He stomped over and plopped himself down in a boat with a tall, gangly, red-haired boy. Someone he could bully.  
"I'm Harry Potter!" Dudley announced. "And I'm aweome!"  
"BRILLIANT! Are you really?" the boy asked. "I'm Ron, Ron Weasley. Are you really Harry Potter? You're awesome!"  
Dudley smiled and nodded to himself. What a smarty he was. He had certainly picked the right boat.


	5. Chapter 5

"So how'd you do it?" Ron asked, for probably the twelfth time.  
"Do what, again?" Dudley said.  
"Defeat You-Know-Who," Ron said in a whisper, leaning forward all secretively.  
Dudley was lost. The only You-Know-Who he knew about was his Aunt Marge. His mother really felt no affection for his father's sister and there had been plenty of times when Petunia had gone on a tirade against her, of course out of Vernon's earshot. Somehow, Dudley figured this red headed boy wouldn't know about his Aunt Marge so he just said, "I'm not really sure I should tell you that quite yet." And then he chuckled to himself for being so clever and evading the question.

They were in the Castle now, and Dudley could not stop looking around him, awestruck. He never thought he'd get to live in a castle, but here he was. The only problem was Ronald. He wouldn't stop following him around. Dudley was doing his best to form a plan to ditch the kid when Draco spotted him.  
"Potter!" Draco spat. "What are you doing? Hanging around with a Weasley?"  
"I...I dunno. It's not my fault!" Dudley sputtered.  
"He can hang out with whoever he wants," Ron defended.  
"Come on, Potter. Just because I didn't accept you right away, doesn't mean you have to get desperate. Some wizarding families are better than others."  
"Oh. Really?" Dudley muttered.  
"Yes. Just as all wizarding families are better than muggle-borns," Draco said with a cruel bite to his voice. He turned his head to address someone else. "Isn't that right, Miss Granger?"  
Dudley turned to see who Draco was talking to. What he saw was a girl of medium height with puffy, frizzy brown hair and sticky outy teeth.  
The girl just glared at Draco and turned to flounce away, but before she did so she spotted Ron. "You have dirt," she stated. "On your nose." THEN she flounced off.  
Draco and his two big friends started snickering so Dudley laughed too. "Ha! Ha ha ha!"

The first years had been interrupted by a tall, bony woman who introduced herself as Madame McGonnagal. "She looks like a skeleton," Dudley whispered to no one in particular. "But with skin!"  
"You're right! She does!" Ron whispered back. "Blimey, Harry! You're a genius!"  
The first years were herded through two enormous doors and were being led to the front of the great hall to be sorted. Dudley could never be sure exactly what that meant but he hoped he would win. He was pretty sure he would. He always won. He was his mommy's ickle-wickle Duddy-kins, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

Ron was positively rambling and Dudley was trying to not listen. "Hufflepuff...well that's the house where they put people who they don't really know what to do with them. They're supposed to be really loyal though, or something. Then there's Ravenclaw. Thats for the smart people. Ravenclaws are the ones who like to do, like, sodukus and stuff I think. Then there's Slytherins. The Slytherins are baaad news, I'm telling you. There's not a witch or wizard who went dark who wasn't in Slytherin," Now if Ron had stopped and thought about that for a minute he might have realized that wasn't true and also that it was rude to stereotype people in such a way. Truthfully, Molly and Arthur had taught him better than that. Ron continued, "Then there's Gryfindor. Gosh I don't know what I'll do if I don't get sorted into Gryfindor. What would my family say? My whole family is in Gryfindor after all and-"

"Potter, Harry!" Professor McGonagall read out. The hall buzzed softly as people leaned towards each other, murmuring about the Boy-Who-Lived.

"That's you!" Ron whispered. "Go!"

"Oh yeah! That's me!" Dudley cried after looking around for Harry, then realizing that it was him. "I'm coming!" Dudley rushed up to the three-legged stool and the sorting hat. "So how do I do this?" he asked, looking up at Professor McGonagall, who had in fact already explained the procedure but Dudley had always had a hard time listening to directions.

"You sit there. And the hat tells you where to go," she said bluntly.

Dudley was disappointed. No hitting things? No competition? "Ok..." he said and reluctantly sat down.

Albus Dumbledore leaned forward with interest as the sorting hat was placed on Dudley's head. His normally twinkling eyes did not quite have the twinkle in them. He looked rather concerned in fact.

Dudley jumped with surprise as he heard the hat start speaking in his ear. No wonder his parents thought magical people were freaks. They had creepy hats which muttered knowingly in their ears. "You were not what I was expecting..." the hat mused. "I'm not sure you even have potential..."

"I do!" Dudley said angrily. "I'm magic!"

"Oh yes there's a little in there...deep down in there. I don't doubt that boy but who will help you truly unlock it?"

Dudley didn't want to be a noble Gryfindor, he didn't want to be a hoity toity smarty pants Ravenclaw, he didn't want to be a goody-goody Hufflepuff. He wanted to be respected and feared. Oh yes.

"Slithering!" he cried, standing up and flinging the hat from his head. "Thats what the hat said."

Everyone just stared at him. All around it was a little awkward. Minverva McGonagall picked the sorting hat up. Severus Snape raised one eyebrow. Albus raised two. Hagrid started to clap, then realized it wasn't actually time to clap and stopped. The hall went dead silent. A cricket chirped.


	7. Chapter 7

"The hat," McGonagall said, giving Dudley a look. "Hasn't said anything, Potter. We would hear it."

"Um, yeah. I was just testing you," Dudley said, defeated. He sat back down on the stool, more than a little embarrassed.

"I cannot believe," the hat said in his ear. "That you would do that. That you would defy me that way. I am the Sorting Hat. Do you understand how long I've been around? I am a very serious and prestigious magical item!"

Dudley's face was turning red. He was glad that no one else could hear the hat.

"Now you will just go where I put you. I honestly would love to put you in Hufflepuff but you aren't...well...Hufflepuffish enough. And boy, I can see your brain straight through your skull. You aren't going to Ravenclaw."

That left Dudley with a small bit of hope. He might get to go be a bad boy in Slytherin after all. He thought the Slytherins were awesome.

"I just hate to taint Slytherin the way I do..." the hat continued, sounding somewhat guilty. "Alas, you really wouldn't do well in Gryfindor at all."

Dudley sat waiting, hoping.

"Fine." said the Sorting Hat, sounding resigned. And then, so that the whole hall could hear, "Slytherin." No one had ever heard the Sorting Hat sound quite so deflated. The Slytherins cheered, for they had Harry Potter in their house. Hoorah and Hooray and all that. Dudley jumped up.

"I told you!" he cried. "Yeah Slithering!"

"It's Slytherin," said McGonagall, feeling very worried. "Now go sit down." Was this really Harry Potter? It couldn't be. If he was then the wizarding world just might be doomed. She determined to call a special meeting with all the teachers once the sorting and feast were over.

* * *

Oh Dudley was happy. He was very happy indeed. Two boys, both bigger than him but with about his build, were sitting by him at the Slytherin table. Across from him was that Malfoy boy. Dudley was pretty sure they were best friends. There was also a girl with short black hair named Pansy. Boy, did Dudley think Pansy was cute. He was going to need to impress her, but not now. Not while there was this much food on the table. Crabbe and Goyle, the two big guys, also seemed pretty excited about the food. Dudley made it his goal to out eat them. He loaded his plate up and dug in. _I love magic school,_ he thought. _This beats pestering whimpy Harry any day of the week. _

* * *

Meanwhile, Harry was outright miserable. He knew there was something wrong. He belonged somewhere else. And where had Dudley really gone? It was time to do some investigation...

**A/N: sorry for the short chapter, things are crazy right now but a little is better than nothing? He's been sorted at least, and now the fun can really begin!**


End file.
